You are Ron Burgundy of the Peninsula Outlook and you're about to get in a violent gang smackdown with the Jagwire. Pick three Outlookers to be your wing journalists in this quickly escalating gang fight, and explain why.
(Blog Post courtesy of Travis King the Incredible)
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1. Lennon Chalk- Strong man, good friend. Cooperation between him and I would make for an expert fighting force.
ReplyDelete2. Nicole Pinto- Her addition of the monkey fist to the fight would have Jagwire folks on the ground.
3. HG- She used to wrestle and she says she won't be my co-editor anymore if i didn't pick her.
Benzy: Sometimes he gets pretty wild, and I think for the defense of the beloved Outlook he would be key.
ReplyDeleteLennon: Essentially the same reasons as Benzy...plus his facial hair can be slightly intimidating.
Loren: His sword fighting skills, of course.
3 Outlookers ...
ReplyDelete1. Gracie and Sarah as one- Because she can distract them with her cuteness.
2. Mebus- He can squish them with his truck.
3. Nicole- Because she can tie them up and beat the living daylights out of them with a rolled up Jaguar!!
Obviously i would pick Loren.
ReplyDeleteSeeing as i was expecting a fight i would have my swords with me. I would throw Loren a sword and he would being the slaughter.
After him i would not need anyone else, but just in case i would also bring Benzy. If you have ever seen him pissed you know what i mean.
For my third i would choose Nicole. All i have herd leads me to one conclusion. Nicole Pinto has three and a half testicles, and can take down anyone in a fight just by simply staring into their eyes. Me, being the peaceful man i am, would not want to fight and if anyone dare come at me she would strike them down.
Nick Markman. He's just crazy.
ReplyDeleteLoren Johnson. This is a journalistic gang fight after all.
Sarah Hiraki. She's just scary. I love her.
^_^
Well, I have no clue. I guess I would bring three amazing outlook girls who totally kick ass. I think they all could just scratch and rip up anyone who'd mess with them, so it's hard to pick just three.
ReplyDelete#1: Nicole Pinto- understands the jist of gangs and ghettoness, would help me punch them a little, and write a fabulous article.
ReplyDelete#2: Chris Putnam- take pictures of the beaten down Jagwire journalists.
#3: Ian Clark- he's just an excellent journalist. i would pick him any day :)
I would pick Kev, partly because his pale white skin would reflect blinding death rays into the enemies' eyes, partly because of his swordsmanship skills, but mostly because he could strangle them with his long nipple hairs.
ReplyDeleteI would then pick Gracie, because no one would dare hurt Gracie, so if everyone else got killed Outlook would win by default. She's the ace in our sleeves.
Finally, I would pick Naomi. Have you ever seen her barbarian-like swordsmanship? No one wants to go up against that. Plus, she could throw her cats at the enemies.
But ultimately, I wouldn't need any of them to win that fight. Journalists are pussy losers, and I'm the fight-king of Outlook, unmatched with a meter stick or a pair of staplers. I'd use my Jedi-style to lop of those prissy Journalists' heads. I'd also staple those losers half-way to Hell. Don't believe me? Let's just see how many of you picked me.
Lennon, Travis, and Markman.
ReplyDeleteBecause they know how to fight like true anchormen: no touching of the hair or face. Also i don't think women belong in the newsroom. I have about 10 seconds before Laura reads this and crucifies me. Oh well, twice in 2009 year's isn't bad.
I would pick Loren Johnson, TK and Gracie. Loren has mad fencing skills and could copy-edit a man to death. TK has a major ghetto booty and is real good at flipping around and stuff, so he could totally go all ninja on those dudes. Gracie may look cute, but I bet she's actually mean and doesn't want to tell us.
ReplyDeleteTravis
ReplyDeleteKev
Ian
I think they all just stand for some rough, tough, downhome, outlook, kick'n ass and take'n names pride.
First I would most definetly take Benzy, for his mexican fighting skills.
ReplyDeleteMs. Cowley to distract the males on the Jagwaire staff, leaving only females.
Then Angelina because she and I would just snap in letter formations until the Jagwire females scurry away.
If i was the infamous Ron Burgandy and was about to enter a smackdown i would probably choose:
ReplyDelete1) Naomi for her loyalty, she wouldnt abandon me if we were losing
2) Nick Markman he could joke our way out of the fight (if we needed to) or use his 'fists of fury'
3) and Nicole as i've recently learned how fierce she really is ;D
and everyone else should pick me to be one of their wingmen because i am a bluebelt in karate! (even if that was like 5 years ago)
Oh man. A fight? No bueno!
ReplyDeleteYou know me and fights, so...
We should all love each other and enjoy each others company!
<3 Gracie
In an intense gang fight I would pick Nicole, Rachel, and Gracie. Nicole would be there for an obvious reason; she's the toughest. She could probably take all of them with her left pinky. I would pick Rachel because she seems like a really cool girl, and inbetween watching Nicole throw death punches we could get to know eachother better. And lastly, if all else fails, Gracie would use her charm and loveable personality to sweet talk the enemy. And no one can deny Gracie.
ReplyDeleteI know everyone picks Lennon. But Kev and Mebus are key sidekicks.
ReplyDeleteLennon is the strongest of all outlookers. Lennon has a great balance of speed and power.
Kev would wrap his nipple hairs around the enemy. And Mebus is the largest and slowest of all outlookers, and his U2 can kill anybody. I would just run away like a pansy meanwhile the enemy chases Kev and Mebus
I consider myself more of a cuddler than a gang fighter, therefore, my decisions are thus:
ReplyDelete1. Emily: Bunny Cracker Specialist. When I am injured, she will dab at my wounds with a cotton tail and feed me bunny crackers for sustenance.
2. Amanda H.: Grenade Bunny. I have a feeling that Amanda would be able to find a grenade somewhere for me.
3. Amanda S.: Photo Journalist. Because I want to remember the fight, and I'm into twins, and I anticipate getting a knock on the head, I need photographic evidence.
1. Sarah Hiraki, she's punched me in the face before and it hurt. I think if she was in a fight and I dressed up as a bunny and they said they were going to knife me, she'd kill them.
ReplyDelete2. Laura Stevens, I think she knocked the wind out of me during soccer in 8th grade. Also, Laura scares me the holy hell out of me.
3. Loren Johnson with our sword fighting powers combined we are captains BADASS 1 and BADASS 2.
Basically, I'd be dressed up as a bunny with a meter stick and I'd be good.
#1: Angelina.
ReplyDelete#2: Omi.
#3: Lance
Angelina is gangsta enough for all of us. She'd take them down anytime, anywhere.
Omi because... she's Omi.
Lance because he's MEAN (angry, angry face!)
Nicole because she is a psycho.
ReplyDeleteMarkman because he would narate our battle with an intence improvised song.
For the third wing journalist there will be an application process, an interview and sort of competition.
TK
I'm Ron Burgundy! My wing people would be Laura, Angelina for muscle and Kev.
ReplyDeleteHere is my plan:
Kev takes off his shirt and steps into the light to momentarily blind our foes. Then Angelina would sass them while Laura DESCENDS on them after we tell her they beat their wives and disapprove of womens' rights.
definately Omi, I then would arm her with a meter stick.
ReplyDeleteAngelina- I could definately see her getting violent in a rumble
and Laura would be our secret weapon. all she would need is one look.
I think I would also commision Sarah to distract Ian, so he wouln't warn the Jagwires!
My three people would be:
ReplyDeleteHaylee Ash because i know she would be there to back me up if I was getting defeated.
Amanda Smith because she's so amazingly adorable and I don't think anyone would want to mess with her. Or if they did, then I could see her gettin tough with them.
Laura Stevens because she could definitely take on anyone if they were pissing her off.
That's a tough one!Since I am a newbie I still don't know many outlookers so I don't have very much to go off of but I'll try my best! Ok first of all I would pick Gracie because she is so sweet and innocent that they wouldn't be able to bring themselves to harm her. Second, I would choose Emily because she would surely have some genius strategy in fighting them so we would definitely win.Last but not least I would choose Angelina because she seems a lot like her sister who is very gangsterish so she could take them down for sure!
ReplyDeleteI'd bring Nick Markman, because he'd spit on the Jagwire staffies after I beat them to the ground. That's pretty much all that he could contribute.
ReplyDeleteNext, Amanda H. because her mouth and appetite is that of an elephant and she could eat all the little Jagwire's after they're dead and clear the scene of any evidence.
Last I'd take Angelina because she's ghetto and would multiply my killer instinct by a million.
OUTLOOK IS TOO CUTE TO FIGHT.
ReplyDeleteYeah.
Obviously, in such a tight situation where anything could happen, I'm gonna need the proper sidekicks to assist me in this war on crime.
ReplyDelete1. I'm gonna need Aaron Jonathan Klumker. That guy is the Starsky to my Hutch. He's the Batman to my Robin. You see, legend says that at birth, Aaron and I were created in a superhuman scientific experiment funded with trillions of dollars from the federal government. I was given one bellow of a voice that was so explosive and so thunderous, that anyone who dare step in my path will be blown to smithereens. Klumker, on the other hand, was created with a shreiking giggle so squeaky and poppy that it creates a sonic boom every time his funnybone gets tickled. If I'm gonna manage to obtain any information out of this situation, I'm gonna need my wingman to defend myself.
2. I'd bring Ian Clark. That guy has something in 'em. I'm certain that with Ian and I in cahoots, we could find some way to charm those blood thirsty gangsters out of their collossal waistbands. He could slowly approach, give a high five, ask about the weather, and those hoodlums would be hypnotized into subjecting all of their information over to the Outlook. That guy is one valuable sunnuva gun.
3. Nicole Pinto. I'm sure she'd find some way to whoop those men up the head and get what we need, and pretty quickly.
In such an intense moment, where blood, sweat and testosterone are pumping, the mind is throbbing, and the limbs are so frail and weak they would rather be severed and thrown into a basket full of ravenous wolves, there are only three outlookers that i would want to aid me in the aggressive battle. First of all, my best mate Benjamin Eric Summerour, for several reasons. One, is because he's part zombie. He also would fight to the death for me, and with his sadistic and thrashing form of fighting, he'd be a perfect in the front lines. I also forgot to mention that his voice reaches sonic levels, and he could let out a roar so great, the gang members would have trouble even laying pitifully on the ground. Second, Ian Clark, because he could use his awesome and perfect humor to crack those fellas up, and he's like a giant, so he could carry me on his back, and we'd pummel through any amount of foes. Thirdly, is Lance Wilhelm, because he is also tall, and we could combine our knowledge bowl skill to send out a wave of energy strong enough to tear any matter apart that it touches. So, i believe with my supreme, awesome, indestructable, superhuman, laws-of-physics-defying, and pretty cool squadron, we could smack those knaves into another tuesday, and thereafter make a superhero team.
ReplyDelete